Ad Men

Scene: Sterley-Crouper Advertising Agency; board room; 1961

Creative Director, Don Baker: "Alright, team. We have a meeting tomorrow with Happy Cakes, the nation's top confectionery company, and we need to win them over with the perfect slogan. First and foremost, get June in here to pour me some scotch."

Leggy Olstead: "Don, it's 9am."

Don: "Don't give me any lip, Leggy. Just show me what you have."

Leggy: [clears throat] "Well, Don, I thought it might be good to have a positive look on sweets."


Don: "It's a CAKE company, Leggy, not a cookie factory. And proofread your copy. We don't pay you to make a joke of this business. Did anyone bring any real talent to this meeting, or should we all just close up shop and head down to The Goodtime Gal for a drink?" [yelling into the hall] "June! Bourbon!"

Paul Krambel: "I wrote something, Don, and I think you'll be pleased with my attention to what Happy Cakes leaves out of their product."

Don: "Quit sucking up, Krambel, and just show me what you have."


Don: "Krambel, quit wasting my time. My secretary could have come up with something more creative. Speaking of my secretary... JUNE! VODKA TONIC!"

Leggy: "Don, perhaps you'll prefer a more abstract approach. Paul and I worked all night on this one."


Don: "Yeah Leggy, still a cookie."

Paul: "Don, I think what Leggy is trying to say..."

Don: "Listen. You're a creative team. It needs to be modern. Edgy. Like this slogan we wrote for Clydesdale Cigarettes last year."

Paul: "Yes, Don. That was genius. Very poignant. We have a few more ideas..."

Don: "Well, let's have it, already. And June, this glass isn't going to refill itself!"

Paul: "Consumers appreciate truth in advertising..."

Don: "Next."

Paul: "Eating a Happy Cake is like being in a fairytale..."

Don: "Next."

Leggy: "We were thinking if we rented bunny suits..."

Don: "NO. I've got it: We keep it short and sweet. Literally."

Paul: "It's brilliant, Don! Perfection at its best! You're a true master at advertising. Bravo! I love you."

Don: "Leggy, have the proofreader look this over. And have June order a case of scotch and a carton of Clydesdales for tomorrow's meeting with Happy Cakes. If you need me, I'll be at the bar."

David L., Jill G., Kristin and Christopher, Amanda J., Laux, Maria, Ed P., and Daphne, I'm going to need a new secretary. And someone to empty this ashtray. And get me a bottle of gin. Better make that two bottles of gin. And some scotch. ... And some vodka. ... I like to drink.