Specials Gift: July 2010

Wreckies Of The Month

It's been far too long since I featured you, my faithful henchpersons! So, without further ado, here are the Wreckies among you who've succeeded in making me smile this past month.

As always, the Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys continue to dominate. Here Angela M's sister made her a whole armada for her birthday:

And "Another Jen" and her friend Darla made this diverse "Cornucopia Rodeo" for their desks:

Banana and corn jockeys? I guess the little guys are branching out.

Yet another Jennifer had these made for her daughter's 14th birthday:

[singing] "I believe the children are our fuuuuture.
Teach them well and LET them wreck the waaay..."

Good work, Jennifer.

Duncan S. stayed up just a little too late reading the wreckage, and got inspired to draw a few hilariously wrecktacular pictures:

Hah! Nice job, Duncan.
(And thank you for putting a diaper on the cowboy jockey. No, really. Thank you.)

One of the book-exclusive Wrecks got some love this month:

Katelynn S. made this for her birthday. Since I hear she's prone to shouting "Nappy Blob Blob!" at other people's birthday parties, I find this only appropriate.

And here's Danielle Q.'s version, which she made for one of her fellow pastry chefs:

Wow, that jockey has some seriously orange hair. Nice.

Wrecky henchperson (wrenchperson? henchky?) Cat T. decided to try her hand at cake decorating. So what did she choose to make for her very first decorated cake? Why, this, of course:

Hee. Ahee. Hee.

And finally, I got a real kick out this e-mail from Hannah:

"I am a government employee working overseas, and part of my job duties include acting as chief coordinator when we have VIP visitors in my city. A few weeks ago I was working with a high-level government official...(and) our schedule included lunch with a major world religious leader, who found out that it was the official's birthday. The religious leader produced a cake that was, by all accounts, incredibly delicious. However, as soon as I saw it, all I could think was CAKE WRECK!!

So let's recap: I'm sitting at a table with the spiritual leader of several hundred million people around the world and a high-powered go-to guy in DC who could destroy my career in one phone call... and I can't stop snorting into my napkin in an attempt to pass my laughter off as bad allergies.

I hope you're happy with yourself."

Me? Happy?

Aw, you better believe it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: yesterday's winner!

Actually, your one-liner entries were so good that I decided to pick *three* winners. And they are [drum roll, please] :

Jenniffer ("Now Dolphin-Free!"), Lynn ("Get used to disappointment."), and
Dolores ("In some foreign countries this is actually a compliment.")!

Congrats, ladies! Please e-mail me with your addresses & any special requests for the personalization.

And since I'm sure most of you didn't read through all 1000+ comments yesterday, I've added a bunch of my favorites to the end of yesterday's post. Be sure to check 'em out!

Printed and hand-painted pillows

Kevin O'Brien Studio is exhibiting new Shibori pillows & bedding at the New York International Gift Fair this month. The company will introduce new patterns in its printed Nautical pillow collection, and new patterns and colors in its collection of hand-painted velvet pillows.
The company also offers bedding, throws, stuffed animals and wall decor.

Retailers: Contact the manufacturer for prices and minimums.

Shoppers: Ask your favorite independent retailer or desginer to order this item for you.

Butterfly Jar - Orange Monarch - £19.99 ($31.19)

Amazing realistic animation Activates 90 seconds of random life-like movement Watch My Butterfly fly, flap and flutter Interactive Gently tap the jar once for instant action! Try-me button activation also included No need to turn off; batteries last in standby mode for months ready for a tap to awaken Can be awakened by ambient noise Species Specific Hang Tag Offers fun and educational facts about each butterfly species. Read more...

Stylishly Exciting Laptop Bag

Learn More about this Mango Tango Bag

Whether she is boarding a plane, attending an important meeting, or going on vacation, your lady will love carrying her laptop in such style! Everybody loves polka dots! This delightful laptop bag includes it's own adapter pouch, elasticized straps inside to keep her laptop in place, an inside zipper pocket and an outside pocket. From Mango Tango, the company that is waging war against boring and providing gorgeous laptop bags for women everywhere. Click the link for more information and more colorful, stylish bags!

Why On Earth Did You Buy THAT?

Oh.

Well, ok, then.

Seriously, I think I've just found my new favorite Wreckerator here. Way to work to your product's strengths, my friend! In fact, if you need any more ideas, I have a few suggestions:

"It beats jello"

"95% of diets fail anyway"

"Cheaper than therapy"

"It was this or rhubarb pie."

"The end MIGHT be nigh"

Ok, that's all I've got. Have anything better? Then gimmie your best 1-line Wreck sales pitch in the comments, and tonight I'll randomly select someone who makes me laugh to win a signed copy of Cake Wrecks, the book:
.

Only $5.20 on Amazon! Woot! Stock up!

I'll announce the winner in tomorrow's post, so check back then.

Now, quick, go BE FUNNY. Chop chop!

UPDATE: Here are some of my favorite entries so far, in case you don't feel like scrolling through the 1000+ comments:

"Now Dolphin Free!" - Jenniffer

"Think of the laughs you'll get" - Anony 10:09

"You could always send this to Cake Wrecks" - TechyDad

"Eatable" - Kathyrn R.

"Mostly Harmless" - Cat Beiber

"Get Used To Disappointment" - Lynn

"My Other Cake Has A Witty Saying On It" - Tessa Beers

"D***n it, Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a cake decorator!" - Becky@whatslifewithoutwhimsy

"It's not as old as it looks" - Jen (3:44pm)

"I quit" - Donna

"It was this or death" - M.A.

"Think of the children" - Tracy

"Like you could do any better." - Tami

"The bananas in your cart look lonely." - Charlie's Mom

"As seen on Cake Wrecks!" - Ashley

"We only would have screwed up your custom cake order, anyway." - Julie

"Don't act like you've never settled before." - Bryan & Jessica

"In some foreign countries this is actually a compliment." - Dolores

"Suck it, Trebek." - Janebabes

Large Chocolate Calculator-Chocolator - £8.95 ($13.98)

Large Chocolate Calculator - Chocolator. Read more...

Giant Hip Flask 2.5L - £99.99 ($156.18)

Gel Socks - £9.99 ($15.60)

Electronic Coin Counting Piggy Bank - £10.99 ($17.17)

The Piggy Bank is in fact an electronic coin counting money box! Save your pennies the fun way and keep a tally of how much you have saved. Read more...

Giant Cupcake Silicone Cake Mould - £9.49 ($14.82)

Create unique Birthday cakes with our Giant Cupcake Silicone Cake Mould! Read more...

Hot Water Bottle Heat Pack - £1.49 ($2.33)

This hot water bottle shaped hand warmers are ideal for a cold winters day! Read more...

Cow Dynamo Torch - £4.49 ($7.01)

Fantastic novelty torch in the shape of a cow with 2 bright LED lights! Read more...

Apparel, shawls, handbags in chiffon, crepe

Harshita Designs offers uniquely designed wearable art for women and men, including scarves, shawls, handbags, jewelry, tunics and jackets. Colors and designs are printed or embroidered. Designer Harshita Lohia says the inspiration for the designs and colors comes from elements of nature, manmade structures, symbols of Indian culture and simple geometrical figures. Materials include chiffon, crepe, georgette and charmeuse silk. See the company at the New York International Gift Fair.

Retailers: Contact the manufacturer for prices and minimums.

Shoppers: Ask your favorite independent retailer to order this item for you.

Cupcake Stand - £19.99 ($31.22)

It's Always the Quiet Ones

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you turned in some important paperwork to your boss or teacher, and on that paperwork you had doodled pictures of yourself wearing either a halo or devil horns, and a clown floating in the clouds above you, looking on.

Do you suppose your boss/teacher might then call you in for a little chat? You know, just to see how the ol' home life was going? Maybe see if you needed anything, support and/or prescription-wise?

Because, as you may have guessed, this really isn't a purely hypothetical question.

I don't know what's going on here, but I fear for the dog's future.

In fact, from the looks of things I'd say a few of these wreckerators are one more "That's Karl with a Q" away from a destructive binge that ends with them pole-vaulting the counter and riding the floor waxer out in a blaze of glory.

"Go ahead, punk. Tell me you want sprinkles again."

So here's an idea, bakeries: Why not hire a psychologist to come in every now and then, you know, just to browse through the cakes? That way, when something like this pops up:

He or she will know it's time to schedule another stress seminar.

Or even to stage some kind of intervention:

"I don't get it; all I asked for was a birthday cake!"

Or - and I'm just spit-balling here - maybe to alert the proper authorities:

Um. Yeeeeah. When dark oily shadow blobs start sweet talking the customers, I'd say another sexual harassment seminar might be in order.

Don't worry, Amy W., Katie M., Magic Girl, Krystal K., & Kate F.; I hear they serve cake at those.

Furniture, pillows, area rugs

French Market Collection exhibits at the High Point International Furniture market and other venues. It offers chairs, chair pads, benches, area rugs, needlepoint and Aubusson pillows, and lighting. All furnishings are the exclusive designs of the company.

Retailers: Contact the manufacturer for prices and minimums.

Shoppers: Ask your favorite independent retailer or interior designer to order this item for you.

Silly Bandz - Western - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz - Art Fest - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz - Fantasy - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz - Beach - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz Wristbands - Rainforest - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz Wristbands - Rainforest - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz - Rock and Roll - £3.99 ($6.20)

Silly Bandz Wristbands - Rock and Roll. Read more...

Yikerz Magnetic Game - £14.95 ($23.25)

Koala Pillow Throw by Slanket - £19.95 ($31.02)

Name That Wreck!

I grew up with friends named Shannyn, Jesica, Jaison, and Aiyrunn, so I'm used to spelling names all "modern" and "stupid-like." Still, this is getting ridiculous.

Maybe it's Russian?

Well, at least they spelled "Birlhday" right.

We really hope Uncle Boon likes his cake; it was a joint effort.

When you're weeding out the bad cakes, shouldn't this one be high on the list?
(And does anyone else have the munchies?)

Ah, finally, a cake that describes the cake's consistency AND the birthday girl's skin tone:

Still, it kinda pales in comparison with other cakes, doesn't it?

Do you think this cake contains nuts?

Because it certainly has the berries. (HEY-O!)

Meghan, Michelle R., Matt A., and John C., I'm glad you all have pretty standard names, since now I have to have our intern, Gaffudga Selph (she's French), send out an apology for my insulting all of the Aiyrunns out there.

UPDATE: From the desk of Ms. G. Selph:

Dear Reader,

Please note that the authors and employees of Cake Wrecks™ and all of its subsidiaries, including but not limited to Cake Wrecks Footwear™ and Cake Wrecks Plumbing and Air Conditioning™, in no way mean to imply or construe that any or all names used in today's post are in any way, shape, or form "stupid-like." (Even those that are.) We apologize for any confusion.

Sincerely,

Gaffudga Selph

Eco-friendly canvas tote bags

Cotton canvas Girlie Bags are made in Los Angeles by Planet Saver Sacks. Side pockets hold cell phones, keys, cosmetics and bus passes. The bags have cotton webbing handles. Two sizes are available: 11 inches by 12 inches and 14 inches by 15 inches. Search "Planet Saver Sacks" on this blog to find other styles.

Retailers: Contact the manufacturer for prices and minimums.

Shoppers: Ask your favorite independent retailer to order this item for you.

The Rainbow Connection

Whoa, that's a full rainbow!

All the way...

Double rainbow! Oh my gosh...

It's a double rainbow all the way...

So intense!

Whoah, whoah oh my gosh oh my gosh...

WOOO!! YEAH!!!

It's starting to look like a TRIPLE rainbow!

Ohhh YEEEAH!!!

It's full on: double rainbow across the sky!

[sobbing]

It's so bright and vivid.

[random windchimes]

What does this mean?

[groaning]

[possible climax]

[more sobbing]

It's so beautiful!!

[still more sobbing]

[sniffling] Oh my gosh...

It's a double complete rainbow - ah ah ah ahhhh!

What does it mean?

Erin G., Sarv, Lindsay W., Emily M., Amanda L., Katherine M., Kayla D., & Ruth S., these Wrecks are for the lovers, the dreamers, and this guy.

(I'm also rather partial to the autotune version.)