American Super (Sized) Heroes

Americans, by and large, are fat. I'm an American, and I'm fat. Together with 64% of my fellow citizens, we're taking over the country, one chocolate-covered bacon maple donut bar at a time. Rather than get all down and out about it, though, I like the bakeries' approach: simply upsize all of our childhood icons to fit the times!

Whoah. Uh, Spidey, listen: I'm all for embracing your body image, but at some point spandex stops being your friend.

"Something seemed fishy about Nemo's new 'power diet.' And where was Bloat the puffer fish, anyway?"

I suppose Cookie Monster has the best excuse for being a bit blobbish:

Still, I'm guessing this was taken during his "Robert Downey Jr of Cookies" years.

Hey, Mickey!

[singing] "Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You're blocking up your heart
when you eat up all that ham!"

And lastly, here's one for us plus-sized princesses:

"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."

Remember, Melissa W., Jen S., Dawn G., Amanda L., & Cindy S., there's an upside to everything: fat people are much harder to kidnap.

- Related Wreckage: Does This Cake Make Me Look Fat?