The Cake Wrecks Hangover Cure

[lowering lights]

[tiptoeing closer]

[whispering] Good morning, sunshine! Happy New Year. How's your head?

Oooh, that bad, huh? Well, I know you partied pretty hard this weekend, so we're gonna take today's post nice and slow and easy. Like a peaceful, breezy feeling. A sweet, cool, stomach-calming....

Oh.

Sheesh, what'd they frost that thing with, marshmallows and warm head cheese?

Hm?

OH, right! Sorry, sorry!

Aw, you're looking a little pale. You know what would help? More cake.
[nodding knowingly]

How convenient! The Oreos come pre-chewed!


Whoa, there, pal. You sure are sweating a lot.

Quick, take a look at this:

I'd say the fly died after seeing the moldy strawberry. What do you think?


Wow. I've never actually seen someone turn that shade of green before. Fascinating.


Well, listen. Maybe you shouldn't scroll down any further.


No, really, I mean it.


You really shouldn't be scrolling down here in your condition.


Or any condition, for that matter.


In case you haven't figured it out yet, this last cake is really, really gross.


Like, life-time-trauma level disgusting.


You're still scrolling.


What are you, some kind of sadomasochist?


I'm telling you, this thing is NASTY.


Well...


Ok.


But don't say I didn't warn you.


Last chance to scroll back!


Aaaand...


Prepare to squirm:

[yelling] The bathroom's the first door on your left! Happy New Year!


Anony M., Carissa S., Jessica, & Anony M., thanks for kick-starting my New Year's diet plan.