Cuz of my parents ._______. *sighs*
They said I spent too much time on these...blehh..will have to listen to them ;)
Will blog more on WEEKENDS!! *SMILES*
I felt like Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde =(
Every day at school, I would be full of life!!
Laughing at every stupid little immature stuff
Giggling non-stop till I had to bent down to avoid my stomach pain
Smile till my face feels one-kind, in a good way =D
Back home, when the night falls
I would slowly and unconsciously feel a little more sad every minute
I would start thinking about Him, trying to figure out what's the best thing to do?
Try to figure out why do I have such weird feelings these days?
Trying to understanding about deaths and life's, why do people have to die so sudden?!
Funerals...and all... It still all haunt me during night
Was so scared that one day I might not able to take it anymore..
Was so scared that am so bottled up =/
I had tried talking to my friends, seriously, I tried
It just didn't work out
Because I will be like so happy-go-lucky everyday at school
Can't bring myself to think of such emo's situations
Last night, I went through one of my diaries again
It was last year's one, I decided to remember forever of my BFAS's death date
It's on 18/02/08, I wrote
" I CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAPPENED AT ALL!! WTF?!?! "
and on 19/02/08...
" After what happened on 18/02/08. I knew I'd never ever forget the most horrible and terrible scene forever. The day after it happened, I felt like people are against me, everyone, at everywhere. I don't felt safe anymore.
I'm now all aware and alert. I don't believe in God that much. I never really did. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, always, no matter what. Now what? I really don't know what to do at all...
Now I'm here, at my mandarin lessons...everyone seems to be so happy...like there's no worries at all...I don't know what to do...I want to be happy, full of joy, no worries, no nothing. Just being E.M.P.T.Y more than before. I'm not being pathetic of being mournful or sad over my dog. *keep your stupid comments to yourself kay*
Thanks for entering my life, thanks for giving me joy, thanks for showing my everything. There's so many thanks to be said, so many things I wanna say out. I regret, I regret a lot. Of not showing you more love, giving you more freedom that I want to...
If I'd knew it would be your last day...I wouldn't be letting you dying there...choking at the first bite of poison...*tears roll down cheeks* "
IF I KNEW
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep
I would tuck you in more tightly
And pray the Lord, your soul to keep
If I knew it would be the last time
That I see you walk out the door
I would give you a hug and kiss
And call you back for one more
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise
I would video tape each action and word
So I could play them back day after day
If I knew it would be the last time
I could spare an extra minute
To stop and say ' I love you '
Instead of assuming you KNOW I do
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day
Instead of thinking you'd have so many more
So I just let this one slip away
For surely there's always tomorrow
To make up for an oversight
And we always get a second chance
To make everything just right
There will always be another day
To say ' I love you '
And certainly there's another chance
To say our ' Anything I can do? '
But just in care I might be wrong
And today is all I get
I'd like to say how much I love you
And I hope you'll never forget
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone
Young or old alike
And today may be the last chance
To hold your loved one tight
So if you're waiting for tomorrow
Why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes
you'll surely regret the day
That you didn't take that extra time
For a smile, a hug, or a kiss
Don't be too bust to grant someone
What turned out to be their one last wish
So hold you loved ones close today
And whisper in their ear
Tell them how much you love them
And that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say ' I'm sorry '
' Please forgive me ' , ' Thank you ', or ' It's okay '
And if tomorrow never comes
You'll have no regrets about today
I cried every single time when I read back these D=
*shurgs* no one really understands how I felt except Adrian
Wrote this yesterday after reading my diaries...
Sometimes I'm just so tired being strong
When everything just felt so terribly wrong
I had tried my very best to move on
Cos' everyone says "Suezie, it's been long"
I would wake up and cry in the middle of the night
Wide awake, wonder when will it ever be right?
I would look into a mirror and think "what a sight"
Cos' I'd look like I just gone through a fight
Red eyes with endless supply of salty tears
Each represents every day that it forming a year
Pale-looking face, so tired, so real
Cos' there's been so much for me to deal
Maybe, just maybe, one day I'll be okay
When all the sorrows will stop ruining my day
No more pretending or lying always
For one I'll be able to be true every day
Am currently in ScN class now..and loving every minute!!
I still miss K3 environment every now and then still though
but I really felt like I truly belong to where I am now...
TQ Mr. MICHAEL CHONG!
We, form 4 prefects are currently planning our Prefect Annual Dinner
Committee is like this:
Chairman : Tashveen
Asst. chairman : Previn
Secretary : Sue Yi (me) *I definitely did NOT see that coming alrite*
Treasurer : Vern Ern *hugs* gratz!!
Haven's finish planning the whole bloody thing =='
So stressful...ugh cause of SOME people...SELFISH LIL BRATS
Meanwhile, I'd like to thank the others xD
Guess what? I promise I'd show you ALL how HAWT Dai Yang Tian is
Nest post people!! Tata!!
P.S People who thinks that they can get attention when they are EMO, here's the new flash for ya'll, IT DON'T WORK STUPID *omfg am just so pissed off at someone*
P.P.S Thank you for viewing =)
From : Darkling Lovecraft aka Suezie
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