The Golden Wreckies

Welcome back to the 2011 Golden Wreckies! I'm your host, Nicky Ganache, and for this segment I'll be talking about myself in the third person.

Nicky can hear you booing, everyone. Don't make Nicky get the hand puppets out again.

Okay, our next award is in the category of Best Supporting Role. And the nominees are:

"The Pastor's Podium"
in Falling Down

"The Flower Girl's Chiclets"

in The Abyss

and...

"A Hope and a Prayer"

in Beaches

And the award for Best Supporting Role goes to.... 'The Flower Girl's Chiclets!' Yes, brilliant. I loved them in JAWS.

Now on to our second category, the award for Best Writing in a Comedic Role. (I actually wrote a hilarious cake this year myself, but, surprise surprise, it's not "eligible." Yeah. They even used air quotes.)

Anyway, the nominees are:

"Cowboys Undeafted"

The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle. Starring Will Ferrell.

"Maga Kum Latté"

The story of a group of rowdy sorority girls who work part-time at a coffee shop and fall in love with a nearby football team. Starring Will Ferrell.

"Happy Colleen"

The story of a rowdy teenager who explores life as a sheep-herder in the 1920s. Starring Will Ferrell.

And the award goes to... "Happy Colleen!" Although I still think my cake was better. Anyone want to see it, by the way? I happen to have it right here behind the podium... And, if I may say, it's bloody brilliant! ... No? ... You're missing out! ... You sure? ... Anybody?... FINE.

And finally, it's time for our last category of the evening. Because that's what "finally" means. Hah! See? I AM funny.

The nominees for Best Set Dressing are:

"Shower Horror"

The amount of ribbon on this cake will make your hair curl.

"Choking Hazard"

What it lacks in creativity, it makes up for with explosions and 3D effects.

"Hello Kitschy"

For once in his life, Nicky is actually speechless.

And the award goes to....why, Nicky Ganache! YES! I won! Haha! Suck it, Hollyweirds!!

Um...who are these big burly men coming on stage? What are you...HEY! PUT ME DOWN! And give me back my award! That's mine! MINE, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!

[announcer] This has been the Golden Wreckies! Thank you for watching, and good night!

Nicky: [voice fading out] MIIIINE!!

I'd like to thank the Academy, Steve, Kathryn B., Deanne M., Karen B., James, Michael, Sandy B., Brenda J., God, my mother and father... [music swelling] Wait! I'm not finished! My dog Boopsy, my hairdresser Leon, that guy from Cheers...