I'm soo gonna enjoy reading this again
This is written by mua cousin, and yesh, I love her
Start reading! Ahahaha!!
What I'd say if I were God
Hey, y'all. I mean, my creations and all others.
I'm the Christian God. Yeah, the one with the capital G. Now Buddha just IM'ed me about the state of the world now. And I checked it out and went like, 'What?' I mean...I just went down to the café to have a nice chat with the other gods, answered prayers and came back to see all this? I know my time moves faster for me and all, since I'm...well, a god. I can't just sit down and watch y'all do stuff, ya know?
A few key issues I need to address regarding your worship of me. I've noticed you people following the bible a lot. Saying that I wrote it and stuff. Hey, I didn't write that. Okay? People wrote that from what I said. And you people keep editing stuff and adding things in to your fancy. Now, you're condemning people to hell just because they don't follow the book? It's like saying you gotta follow some instruction manual of life from the olden ages in this modern world. #1 Find shelter, #2 plant grains, #3 rear cows. I mean, y'all gotta adapt, ya know? Don't go screaming at people who believe in other gods or act so presumptuous, you're all embarrassing me and ruining my reputation. Didn't I say free will? Like...FREE WILL? I won't kick people to hell for stuff like that. Buddha said smart stuff about belief and how we shouldn't simply just believe and such. And I kinda liked that idea. I mean, I'm a nice guy. Hell's not a nice place for nice people.
Oh yeah, speaking of hell, Lucifer called that day telling me that y'all are blaming him for whatever bad things that happen. Buddha said it's like blaming Karma for bad stuff that happens in Buddhism, except that you're blaming someone else instead of yourself or your past lives. It's not funny guys. I said FREE WILL. Yeah, in capital letters. The devil won't make you do stuff, or take your soul or kill you. I mean. Stuff happens, ya know. I don't control everything. We decided that it's better to set a random number generator for that. So it's no god's fault when bad things happen and we're not pointing fingers at each other. Give Lucifer a break, ya know? He's already got a lot of people roaming in hell trying to think up tortures and such, not to spoil your wretched souls, making sure you really do get punished. If not you'll feel guilty and tell me to smite you. I can't do that, it wasn't in my contract.
These few days (well...that will be a few centuries for you people) I've been receiving a lot of 'Why have you forsaken me?' mails from y'all. I know I've been away, but I DO answer prayers, even if I can't grant wishes (I'm not a magical sky daddy, you know.) You gotta look deep inside yourself and know that I'm always looking out for you. I can't send you a postcard of me and a few other gods posing (well, Allah won't be in it, but you'll always be able to know that he's there) saying "It's owl good. Lookin' out for ya. Wish you were here." tied to the foot of an owl (just so the joke goes well). It's against policy.
I've also been receiving a lot of requests to convert people through miracles or such, or maybe smiting those who don't believe in me. I mean, COME ON. I told you to 'spread the word' not 'wave it in front of others smugly then cursing them when they say 'no thanks'' Sure, sometimes, they go to hell, but y'all will go there too if you kill any grannies or harm people and such. Sometimes there's purgatory. Or if they belong to another god, well, it's their business, not mine. And you think I'll go put a sign when an atheist dies that says 'Haha, you win. There is no god. So now what?' That's against policy too. Just, be nice. Help them if they need help, regardless of their belief. (I did say Love thy neighbor and thyself. But not if your neighbor throws trash into your lawn and takes your car without permission) If they want to join, let them. If they don't, let them go. FREE WILL. I said it again. Hah.
About the second coming, I've discussed a few things. My son says he doesn't really want to go down to a place with such filthy air and light pollution. So he said 'Maybe next week?' Buddha also said that the last Buddha won't be appearing for some time until you clean up all that trash in the ocean. We've been trying to send it back to land, you know. But it doesn't seem to be working because you people keep throwing more stuff in. It's really annoying. So you all won't get anything much soon.
So anyway. There's a new planet we're setting up, but you won't find it till much later, nor will it find you soon. We're trying new things.
Oh and one more thing,
What happened to all the good music?
Lots of love,
You-know-who
---
Just a random thought that came by.
xD!! No offense. It's true. =)
once again, I repeat
It's not written by ME
not that I'm scared of you guys hating me if it's me who wrote it
It's that I don't wanna take the credit, I wish I wrote it!
[laughs at someone's face]
I'm actually reading Biology as a story book
that's HOW I make myself study...bleh =)
Am tired of doing the exercises knowing it doesn't help at all and then, I will always flip to the back and stare at the answers for help xD
Eh. When I say I miss you.
I mean it kay =D
P.S But somewhere we went wrong. We were once so strong.
P.P.S Kiss and Tell!!
From: Darkling Lovecraft aka Suezie
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