Say What?

If the kids ask, April just got a new bottle of shampoo.

*flap flap flap*

Take note, everyone: "Yoth!" is the new 40.

Be sure to adjust your birthday cards accordingly.

Whoah. Not only did they screw up the "screwed up" inscription, it's a cupcake cake. [patooey!] Now, CCC defenders, I want you to look at all that icing smeared under and around the individual cupcakes, and then I want you to find a real cake, and I want you to apologize to it. Do it! Do it now!!

Ahem.

Hey, you know how some people's "i"s look like "7"s, and their "g"s look like "6"s?

No?

Well, now you do.

A big thanks to Wreckporters J7ll W., Paulette M., Dan7elle S., Barbara M., & Ashle76h.

To Bee Or Not To Bee

As we get closer to Valentine's day, the amount of animal puns on pastry increase exponentially. "I love ewe," "Can't bear to live without you," etc, etc.

The only problem is, many bakers don't understand puns. So, I've assembled this handy primer to help them out.

And also so we can laugh at them.

But that goes without saying.

*************

Alright, bakers, today we're going to cover the most basic Valentine's pun there is: "Bee Mine." The trick here is to write "Bee Mine" and accompany it with a bee. Got that? Good.

Now you try.

No, no; see, you got the bees right, but your "be" needs another "e," you see?

Try again.

Good, good, but let's try to get the bee back in there, ok?


*sigh*
No.

[massaging temples]
No.

That's just a dead bee.

What the...? What does that even mean? NO!

Now you're just screwing with me.

Fine. I'll take it.

Thanks to Katie G., Saera D., Megan I., Sarah Beth J., Sarah M., Eleanor S., Courtney A., & Laura A., who think some-bunny made that doggone foxy bee a little too hare-raising.

A-ha! I Fixed It!

No one will ever know.



Perfect!

Boy, that was close. Can you imagine if the dad had gotten suspicious?

The good news: we got all the squirrel footprints off.

The bad news: we're gonna have to charge you extra. (Mr. Nutters is a real pain to bathe.)


See? I told you it wasn't "Baby Phower."

So appetizing, next time you'll be asking us to mess up on purpose.

Discount? Why would there be a discount? Why, this cake could work for ANY occasion that involves graduating in 2010.

Because nothing says "Baby Shower" quite like "BABY Baby Shower."
Period.

Many thanks to Erica H., Inigo M., Carol S., Amy Lee, Peter V., Milly I, Catherine A., Frosty, Allie J., Stephanie G., Albus D., and BABY period.

The Question Mark Is In Case You're Just Getting Fat

Love,

Your Co-Workers

(And also Jamie M., who thinks you're positively glowing.
Or that you need to lay off the break room donuts.)

Ice & Easy

Bakers, has this ever happened to you?

You took the order, and you KNOW they spelled it "Jesseie!" But now the rotten customer doesn't want it. Well, hold on!

Don't throw it out! Ice it out!

With new Ice•Out!

Just one swipe of Ice•Out and you'll go from this:

"What do you mean her name isn't 'Elibateh?'"

To this!

"It's like it was never there!"

Made a big mistake?

Ice it Out!


On a cookie cake?

Ice it Out!

And don't forget our Sprink-O-Flage kit to cover up those real doosies!

"Wow. Where'd the cake go? I can't even see it!!"


So remember, bakers, when you use Ice•Out:

It never happened.™

Order yours today!

Thanks to Jessie, Never2sad, Johanna M., Michelle, Erin M., Katie C and Vanessa S., who all prefer their Ice*Out in pink high gloss.

Forget Your "P"s and "Q"s...

...some of us need to start minding our "L"s and "F"s.

[Warning: Parents, clear the room of innocents!]



One cake, two drastically different meanings:

Yes, yes, I know it's an "L." Well, kind of an L/F hybrid, really. In fact, you might say if L and F got together, had a few drinks...

No?

No.

Ok, then.

Good juck?

Eh. I got nuthin'.


This, on the other hand, is giving me a little too much:

Go ahead, Wreckerator. Tell us how that's an "L."

Or better yet, why don't we all go over the importance of keeping certain letters separated?

I bet that's one office send-off Janet will never forget.


And btw, I love that the Wreckerator threw in the towel at the "J."

Like, s/he was all, "Let's see, I nailed that capital L, but man, I dunno if I can pull off the J! Huh.

Ah, screw it."

Thanks to Caitlin B., Christopher P., Chrissy G., Robin S., who agree that all performance reviews should be written in frosting.

--------------------------------------------

Giveaway update: Our week of give-aways continues with winners Mamakitty, Mak, Jyl & Morganbard and our Facebook winners are Grace Holewinski and Elizabeth Johnson! Congrats, guys, and please e-mail us your mailing addresses.

Remember to leave a comment on this post for a chance to win your choice of an autographed copy of Cake Wrecks or the new Cake Wrecks wall calendar. Also watch our Facebook page for daily chances to win exclusive CW pin packs! All winners will be announced in tomorrow's post.

Wreck, Reuse, Recycle

Edible photos are becoming increasingly popular with bakeries these days, but we should keep in mind that this is not a cheap technology. In fact, it's quite expensive, what with the special printers, edible ink, and, of course, the moon dust and mithril-coated unicorn hair they use for paper.


Hm?

Wait. You're saying they *don't* use moon dust and mythril-coated unicorn hair for paper?

Well, then, how do you explain...THIS?

They reused the printer's test sheet.

Seriously.

You know, Denis C., if the sheets cost this much, maybe they should consider just going back to Spiderman Head.


BWAHAHAHAAA!!

Just kidding.

But seriously, stop with the edible printing already.

Friends Don't Let Friends Cross The Streams

Don't let this happen to someone you love:

Get educated on Sci-Fi today.

Remember, Erika B., knowing is half the battle. For the other half we're going to need a wheelbarrow and maybe Miracle Max's holocaust cloak.

Crocker & Hines

Have you been the victim of an accident?

Does your child suffer from a trauma induced by a care-giver?

Was your wedding day ruined as a result of negligence?

If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals: Crocker & Hines.

Here at Crocker & Hines we specialize in slip-and-falls,

separations,

And all other cake catastrophe claims.

So whether you've been the victim of a simple fracture...

Or major structural malpractice...

...call Crocker & Hines today.

Crocker & Hines: We make Big Cake pay. Guaranteed.

Jessy A., Maria G., Jessica R., Katie M., Margaret B., Anony M., & David P., good news: I hear they also handle torte law!

Decorating in the Meantime

This is why you never dine alone at fancy restaurants:

"I told you: my date is just really, really late! And who asked you, anyway?"


And this is why the Regional Transport Authority should always spell out their name:

I'm sure it's a pet name.

There's a fitness center in Dallas with the tag line, "Redefining the Fitness Experience." Something tells me the baker they hired for their anniversary cake didn't quite agree with that assessment, though:

"We're here to PLUMP [clap] you up!"

Hey, uh...guys? Has anyone checked with Justine about this?

0.0

And to think: all we've got are hamburgers and a Guitar Hero competition.

Ryan W., Gilbert, Kelsey C., & Karen B., may your Labor Day weekend be as labor-free as possible. (Unless you're having a baby. [Which would be weird, in Ryan or Gilbert's case. (Unless it's their respective female counterparts who are in labor. [Which would be cool.])])

How to Make a Wreck, Double Time

"Hey, Bob, what do you think of my writing on this cake?"

"Lemme see.
Hm. I dunno, Jackie, I'd try making it a little bigger. Here, let me try."

[pause]

"Gosh, Bob, you really think that's any better?"

"Welllll...it's...[alarm sounding] Hey-o! Break time!"

****

(Later that day, at a Chuck E. Cheese)

****

"Happy Birthday, Kristy!!"

Excellent wreckporting, Kim C. KIM C.

Go Figure!

Today, class, we're going to learn the fine art of figure drawing.

First, decide if you want your figure to be male or female.

Both will only confuse people.

Next, arrange the limbs in a natural, comfortable-looking manner...


...always remembering that there are some things the human body simply cannot do.


Special circumstances, such as pregnancy, may be approached with a certain amount of artistic license. If the mom-to-be is self-conscious, feel free to make her stomach just a bit smaller than in reality.



The head should be connected with a graceful, appropriately proportioned neck:


If, however, you find that your head and body do not match up, simply employ the "hand out of nowhere" technique:

If anyone asks, it's doing a shadow puppet.

Or, if you find that hands are too difficult, simply leave them off:

Or for that matter, just omit all of the limbs and the head. After all, a well-drawn torso is more than capable of communicating the innate vitality and smooth, vivaciousness of youth:

Mmmm. Smooooth.

Thanks, Jessica G., Amy K., Misty S., Lynne T., Jessica S., Julie B., Bianca L., & Brinn M.! Win or lose, these Wrecks are quite the draw.