Who's the center of the club
that's made for you and me?
that's made for you and me?
M-I-C!
K-E-Y!
M...
Ohhh! MLT!*Thanks to the amazing Sweet Designs Kitchen for having a sense of humor matched only by their talent. Wreck on, guys.
*So perky!
Showing posts with label Just Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just Funny. Show all posts
Spot The Hidden Mickey
M-I-C!
K-E-Y!
M...
Ohhh! MLT!*Thanks to the amazing Sweet Designs Kitchen for having a sense of humor matched only by their talent. Wreck on, guys.
*So perky!
No Accounting For Taste
Hey, did you know that the income tax deadline here in the U.S. has been pushed back 'til Monday?
(I'll pause here to allow those of you whooping for joy to catch your breath.)
Well, if you're like me, this means you might want to get started on your taxes sometime today, or this weekend, or maybe even Monday morning. After all, as a wise man once said, "[remember to insert procrastination quote before post goes up]!"
So, in our eternal quest to help you readers in the most sincere way possible using funny cakes, here is a complete, comprehensive guide for doing your taxes.
Step 1. Mix 2 ounces ea. of vodka, tequila, rum and gin - with a splash of Coke - and drink immediately.
Repeat until thoroughly snockered.
(Note: if a poo-shaped fountain explodes from drink, you're doing it right)
Step 2. Pull shoebox of receipts from laundry hamper and take wild guess as to how much you spent last year.
(Be sure to deduct the sale price of those "Guccis.")
Now add a zero.
This is your Adjusted Gross Expenditure Allowance Total Income Bracket, Article 1. Write this number down somewhere. Preferably on something that won't run off.
This can include children, imaginary friends, other people's children, other people's imaginary friends' children, pets, favorite CDs, and certain plants. Refer to Article J, Paragraph 42, Section 3.14159 on "Ficus Financials," for more information.
Step 4. Write down all information in a legible manner:
Step 5. Go to the nearest ATM and empty your checking account, savings account, and pockets. This is what you owe.
It's always a good idea to send your payment in cash, and stuck to a cupcake. The IRS enjoys playful pranks like this, and will doubtless credit your account several hundred dollars in exchange for the laugh.
Well, we hope you've enjoyed our comprehensive tax guide. Now, if you need us, we'll just be vacationing somewhere you've never heard of outside U.S. jurisdiction.
(I'll pause here to allow those of you whooping for joy to catch your breath.)
Well, if you're like me, this means you might want to get started on your taxes sometime today, or this weekend, or maybe even Monday morning. After all, as a wise man once said, "[remember to insert procrastination quote before post goes up]!"
So, in our eternal quest to help you readers in the most sincere way possible using funny cakes, here is a complete, comprehensive guide for doing your taxes.
Step 1. Mix 2 ounces ea. of vodka, tequila, rum and gin - with a splash of Coke - and drink immediately.
Repeat until thoroughly snockered.(Note: if a poo-shaped fountain explodes from drink, you're doing it right)
Step 2. Pull shoebox of receipts from laundry hamper and take wild guess as to how much you spent last year.
(Be sure to deduct the sale price of those "Guccis.")Now add a zero.
This is your Adjusted Gross Expenditure Allowance Total Income Bracket, Article 1. Write this number down somewhere. Preferably on something that won't run off.
Step 3. Calculate the number of dependents in your household.
This can include children, imaginary friends, other people's children, other people's imaginary friends' children, pets, favorite CDs, and certain plants. Refer to Article J, Paragraph 42, Section 3.14159 on "Ficus Financials," for more information.Step 4. Write down all information in a legible manner:
If you're not sure about one of your figures, just put it in quotes:
This shows the IRS you're just "guess-timating." They're totally cool with that.
Step 5. Go to the nearest ATM and empty your checking account, savings account, and pockets. This is what you owe.
It's always a good idea to send your payment in cash, and stuck to a cupcake. The IRS enjoys playful pranks like this, and will doubtless credit your account several hundred dollars in exchange for the laugh.Well, we hope you've enjoyed our comprehensive tax guide. Now, if you need us, we'll just be vacationing somewhere you've never heard of outside U.S. jurisdiction.
A big thanks to Jacob L., Kelli, Anne B., Heather, Emily and Becky L., for their taxing treats.
Dear Diary...
April 10th, 2011 - Today was my first day as a cake decorator at the local Wrecky Mart. My parents claim they warned me of this day when they told me not to major in Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory, but I wouldn't trade those 14 years for the world!
Anyway, for our first lesson, Susan, the Bakery manager, taught me how to make a dog cake. I did it with an Ancient Latin flourish!
April 11th, 2011- My second day at the bakery. Susan was arrested this morning for stealing headcheese, so now I'm the Bakery manager. (And my parents said I'd never get anywhere with this job!) My first customer placed an order for a Spider-Man cake. I hate to brag, but I think I exceeded everyone's expectations:
April 12th, 2011 - I think I'm getting the hang of this! Three more orders filled today: one for a school spirit cake...
This decorating thing is a breeze!
Who knew I could ever become such a master of decorating?
April 14th, 2011- Today I was asked to leave the Wrecky Mart. :( Something about me "flying under the radar for too long," and being a "complete sham" with "no formal training" or "talent of any kind." Clearly the upper management is threatened by my talent. Still, I'm not worried: I hear Mart Wrecks is hiring.
Besides, I got a lovely farewell cake from my associates - the ones I taught everything I know:
Thanks to Heather H., Jen S., Manda, Donovan F., Dylett B., Stephanie V., Leslie W., & Amanda K. And, in the ancient words of my forefathers, "Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam."
Anyway, for our first lesson, Susan, the Bakery manager, taught me how to make a dog cake. I did it with an Ancient Latin flourish!
April 12th, 2011 - I think I'm getting the hang of this! Three more orders filled today: one for a school spirit cake...
...one for a Dora the Explorer cake...
...and one for Easter.
This decorating thing is a breeze!April 13th, 2011 - Wow. I've been asked to teach an advanced decorating class at Wrecky Mart! I've learned so much since my early days at the bakery. How foolish I was then, making all of my cakes look the same! I was such an amateur.
Fortunately, I've since mastered the art of using color...
Evoking emotion...
And replicating Grimace from the old McDonald's commercials.
Who knew I could ever become such a master of decorating?Besides, I got a lovely farewell cake from my associates - the ones I taught everything I know:
Viva los Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory Academy!
Thanks to Heather H., Jen S., Manda, Donovan F., Dylett B., Stephanie V., Leslie W., & Amanda K. And, in the ancient words of my forefathers, "Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam."
Through Sick and Gin
They say you never appreciate your health and home until you're eight hundred miles away from home hacking up a proverbial lung in a not-so-proverbial Microtel with suspicious sheets and a broken A/C unit.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Who are these mysterious "they?" And how do they gain their all-encompassing knowledge? And what, exactly, do sheets have to be suspicious OF?
(Have I mentioned yet that I've been taking a lot of Robitussin? No? Excellent.)
And so, in conclusion, I'm writing myself a Get Well post from all of you. Because I know you care. And I probably won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway. (Another hot toddy? Don't mind if I do!)
Meth? Why, yeth, thith cake ITH a "meth."
Actually it's "Jen."
And hey, I'm right here!
I mean, just because someone is humming the theme song to 2001 while rocking a doll made entirely of used Kleenex doesn't mean she can't hear you.
(Daaaa. Daaaa...DAA DUMMM!!)
(You know, this guy?)
'Cuz I gotta be honest: The implied comparison here isn't making me feel any better.
(For that matter, neither are the Dr. Pepper enemas.)
(In fact, I'm starting to wonder if some of these anonymous chat room doctors might not be entirely trustworthy.)
Whoah, whoah, whoah! What's with the needle? Is this some kind of threat? What ever happened to teddy bears and flowers?
Well, I'm pretty sure that's a daisy.
So I guess that's one long shot that paid off in the end.
(Think it's solid buttercream?)
(And syringe cakes: do they really *need* a point?)
('Cuz I'd say that cheeky baker really injected some fun into his bottom line!)
(Something something spankin' new rear view mirror. Or something.)
Aaaand that's a bum wrap.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Who are these mysterious "they?" And how do they gain their all-encompassing knowledge? And what, exactly, do sheets have to be suspicious OF?
(Have I mentioned yet that I've been taking a lot of Robitussin? No? Excellent.)
And so, in conclusion, I'm writing myself a Get Well post from all of you. Because I know you care. And I probably won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway. (Another hot toddy? Don't mind if I do!)
Meth? Why, yeth, thith cake ITH a "meth."
Actually it's "Jen."And hey, I'm right here!
I mean, just because someone is humming the theme song to 2001 while rocking a doll made entirely of used Kleenex doesn't mean she can't hear you.
(Daaaa. Daaaa...DAA DUMMM!!)
Now, maybe this is that last Airborne margarita talking, or the honey-soaked onions, or the Vick's vapor rub squishing between my toes, but... is that a sick Bilbo Baggins wishing me a happy birthday?
(You know, this guy?)
'Cuz I gotta be honest: The implied comparison here isn't making me feel any better.(For that matter, neither are the Dr. Pepper enemas.)
(In fact, I'm starting to wonder if some of these anonymous chat room doctors might not be entirely trustworthy.)
Well, maybe a nice cookie cake will distract me from all the yucky parts of being sick.
Whoah, whoah, whoah! What's with the needle? Is this some kind of threat? What ever happened to teddy bears and flowers?
Well, I'm pretty sure that's a daisy.
So I guess that's one long shot that paid off in the end.
(Think it's solid buttercream?)
(And syringe cakes: do they really *need* a point?)
('Cuz I'd say that cheeky baker really injected some fun into his bottom line!)
(Something something spankin' new rear view mirror. Or something.)
Aaaand that's a bum wrap.
Thanks to honey buns Ethan O., Joe A., Katy D., Alyssa R., & Laura R. Now, someone pass me the ginger peel gin, will you? I have a sinus spray to make.
Move Over, Hallmark
Tired of the same ol' "Happy Birthday"s, "Congraderaultions", and "I Want Sprinkles?" Then consider these inspiring sentiments the next time you order a cake.
Perfect for the neighbor kid's party!
Assuming you're moving soon, of course.
Here's a solid, any-occasion choice:
Although it's especially effective when dropped off anonymously in the office break room.
For when the get-well and sympathy cards just seem too namby-pamby.
I'd tell you what Hipster Cake does, but it's a really obscure activity. You've probably never heard of it.
Because you can never be too specific.
I think I speak for Amy & Claudia when I say: that had better be chocolate.
If only all bad news were delivered via cake. Can you imagine?
"He's breaking up with me?? Why that lousy, rotten, om nom nom ooh, hey! Raspberry filling!"
Thanks to Anony M., Kris K., Lauren M., Dawn M., Gal N., Amy D., & Melissa K., who might go back to cards after this.
Perfect for the neighbor kid's party!Assuming you're moving soon, of course.
Here's a solid, any-occasion choice:
Although it's especially effective when dropped off anonymously in the office break room.
For when the get-well and sympathy cards just seem too namby-pamby.
I'd tell you what Hipster Cake does, but it's a really obscure activity. You've probably never heard of it.
Because you can never be too specific.
I think I speak for Amy & Claudia when I say: that had better be chocolate.There's this new "budget-friendly" home insurance plan around: It doesn't actually cover any losses, but you do get this nice cookie cake:
If only all bad news were delivered via cake. Can you imagine?"He's breaking up with me?? Why that lousy, rotten, om nom nom ooh, hey! Raspberry filling!"
Thanks to Anony M., Kris K., Lauren M., Dawn M., Gal N., Amy D., & Melissa K., who might go back to cards after this.
In Moderation
Each day here on Cake Wrecks, we get literally tens of comments. Some days, if the post is particularly funny (read: offensive) we get even more. And, most of the time, these comments fall into one of several categories. Let's take a look, shall we?
Good commenters
--------------------------------------
The Enthusiast:
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!! LOVE IT!!! I literally threw up a little bit in my mouth, spit coffee all over my keyboard, and peed my pants. BEST. POST. EVAH!!!"
The Informer:
"The design on cake #2 is actually a perfect reproduction of the ficus remidius leaf found in Northern Kentucky between the months of June and August in a little patch of forest near Lake Onomakahatitikaka.
"Nice post, though."
The Optimist:
"At least the writing is pretty! And the balloons don't look like sperm!"
The Storyteller:
"Great post! It reminds me of this trip I took to Prague in 1982 with my cousin's roommate and Charlie Sheen. It was the dead of winter, I had a sombrero and a waffle iron and only four bullets left in my clip, and...well, to make a long story short, I still don't know what happened to that hooker's pet monkey."
Bad commenters
---------------------------------------
The Name Builder:
"Mike Johnson thinks this cake is terrible. Mike Johnson can't believe it. Mike Johnson wouldn't eat that cake if someone gave it to Mike Johnson for Mike Johnson's birthday! Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson"
The Newbie:
"Um, I'm pretty sure that's "Epcot" from Disney (you can tell by the Disney font), and I don't see ANY daisies. Plus, what's the deal with those babies sitting on carrots? Looks a bit off, if you ask me."
The Spammer:
"Thank you for the information! Very informative! Free Viagra! Free Nikes! Buy Pharmacy Meds Cheap! Jessica Alba Nude!"
--------------------------------------
The Enthusiast:
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!! LOVE IT!!! I literally threw up a little bit in my mouth, spit coffee all over my keyboard, and peed my pants. BEST. POST. EVAH!!!"The Informer:
"The design on cake #2 is actually a perfect reproduction of the ficus remidius leaf found in Northern Kentucky between the months of June and August in a little patch of forest near Lake Onomakahatitikaka."Nice post, though."
The Optimist:
"At least the writing is pretty! And the balloons don't look like sperm!"The Storyteller:
"Great post! It reminds me of this trip I took to Prague in 1982 with my cousin's roommate and Charlie Sheen. It was the dead of winter, I had a sombrero and a waffle iron and only four bullets left in my clip, and...well, to make a long story short, I still don't know what happened to that hooker's pet monkey."Bad commenters
---------------------------------------
The Name Builder:
"Mike Johnson thinks this cake is terrible. Mike Johnson can't believe it. Mike Johnson wouldn't eat that cake if someone gave it to Mike Johnson for Mike Johnson's birthday! Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson"The Newbie:
"Um, I'm pretty sure that's "Epcot" from Disney (you can tell by the Disney font), and I don't see ANY daisies. Plus, what's the deal with those babies sitting on carrots? Looks a bit off, if you ask me."The Spammer:
"Thank you for the information! Very informative! Free Viagra! Free Nikes! Buy Pharmacy Meds Cheap! Jessica Alba Nude!"Thanks to Ticia, Darla D., Kelli P., Lauren H., Amanda J., Drew C., & Melissa K., who will now all be leaving wholly original comments about Charlie Sheen's new pet monkey.
News Bites
It's time again for Headlines, Cake Wrecks style.
So I guess that's the last time Lisa sings Mariah Carey songs on deck.
It's a [booby] trap!
"Man Valley's Toot Sweet"
"Whispers of Warthog"
Or maybe it was a microphone.
Thanks to Alyssa B., Kathy B., Haley L., Jodi B., Camille W., and Naresh S., who think karaoke night just got a lot more interesting.
So I guess that's the last time Lisa sings Mariah Carey songs on deck.
It's a [booby] trap!Best-sellers include:
"Man Valley's Toot Sweet"
"Whispers of Warthog"And the top seller, "Pink Pirate."
For manly men who enjoy the scent of rum, brine, cedar, and - of course - cotton candy.
For manly men who enjoy the scent of rum, brine, cedar, and - of course - cotton candy.
Or maybe it was a microphone.Which, come to think of it, would explain that really obscene PA announcement the other day...
Thanks to Alyssa B., Kathy B., Haley L., Jodi B., Camille W., and Naresh S., who think karaoke night just got a lot more interesting.
MEGAWIZARDDRAGONANIMEBABECON!
Are you ready, Muskogee County? 'Cuz this weekend...IS...
That's right, freaks n' geeks, the MWDABC has it all!
- Bazillions of "A" list celebrities, like that guy that guest starred on Buffy that time! (You know, the one with the hair? Yeah, that one!!)
- Amazing costumes!
Note: please wear amazing costumes.
Also, body paint is allowed, and even encouraged...
...on females.
- The largest Vendor Room this side of Gallifrey, where you'll find every comic book, funny hat, or authentic-movie-replica sword you've ever dreamed of!
Like so.
WOW, gamers, this room is to "die" for!
- Vow renewals!
NOTE: Additional fee applies. Cake not included. Choice of action figure wedding toppers include Watchmen (shown above) and Spock n' Leia:
"Love is illogical."
"I know."
- Back by popular demand, the "Picard Maneuver" photo opportunity!
NOTE: Additional fee applies. Reasonable Picard facsimile may be substituted. All rights reserved. MWDABC will not be held responsible for any communicable diseases contracted while participating in the Picard maneuver photo opportunity.
- And, fellas, don't forget all the bodacious booth babes just waiting to have their pictures taken with you!
"For the last time, no, we DON'T know when Slave Leia is coming back. Now, do you want a picture or not?"
Plus, don't miss our featured events:
NOTE: Mr. Kilmer actually will be appearing in his original Batman costume.
We're not sure why.
- And finally, be sure to check out our exclusive appearance by the one and only William Shatner! Who may or may not be performing his iconic "Rocket Man!" (Assuming we can find enough cigarettes.)
He's a ROCK. IT. MAN.
And a happy belated briday to the Shat.
MEGAWIZARDDRAGONANIMEBABECON!
presented by Bass Pro Shops and Fashion Bug
presented by Bass Pro Shops and Fashion Bug
That's right, freaks n' geeks, the MWDABC has it all!
- Bazillions of "A" list celebrities, like that guy that guest starred on Buffy that time! (You know, the one with the hair? Yeah, that one!!)
- Amazing costumes!
Note: please wear amazing costumes.
Also, body paint is allowed, and even encouraged...
...on females.- The largest Vendor Room this side of Gallifrey, where you'll find every comic book, funny hat, or authentic-movie-replica sword you've ever dreamed of!
NOTE: actual merchandise may differ from promotional imagery.
Like so. - HUGE role-playing tournament area!
WOW, gamers, this room is to "die" for!- Vow renewals!
NOTE: Additional fee applies. Cake not included. Choice of action figure wedding toppers include Watchmen (shown above) and Spock n' Leia:
"Love is illogical.""I know."
NOTE: Additional fee applies. Reasonable Picard facsimile may be substituted. All rights reserved. MWDABC will not be held responsible for any communicable diseases contracted while participating in the Picard maneuver photo opportunity.- And, fellas, don't forget all the bodacious booth babes just waiting to have their pictures taken with you!
"For the last time, no, we DON'T know when Slave Leia is coming back. Now, do you want a picture or not?"Plus, don't miss our featured events:
SMACKDOWN!!
with
Lou Ferrigno!
NOTE: Mr. Ferrigno will not be appearing in costume. Nor will he be smacking anything.
And Val Kilmer!
And Val Kilmer!
NOTE: Mr. Kilmer actually will be appearing in his original Batman costume.We're not sure why.
- And finally, be sure to check out our exclusive appearance by the one and only William Shatner! Who may or may not be performing his iconic "Rocket Man!" (Assuming we can find enough cigarettes.)
He's a ROCK. IT. MAN.The MEGAWIZARDDRAGONANIMEBABECON:
Make It So.
Thanks to Kimberly C., Theresa, Jaclyn C., Talia B., River W., Barb I., Kelli G., Teresa M., Lucy V., Missy B., & Clau...Make It So.
And a happy belated briday to the Shat.
Oh, and now that I've got you all pumped for a con, I should note that there really *is* a scifi convention in Orlando this weekend, and John and I are totally going. See you there, fellow Florida geeks!
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