What Would Your Mother Say?

Because brunch isn't over 'til Mom asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Hideous butterfly cake: $9.99
Download of Christina Aguilera's single, "Beautiful": $1.29
Convincing mom you weren't being sarcastic: Dinner at Red Lobster and three years of guilt.

So which is it? "I'm Love you Mom," or "I'm Love Mom?"
DANGIT, MAN, WE NEED TO KNOW.

I like to think this one was inspired by Isaac Asimov:

The first law of moms: A mom may not injure her child or, through inaction, allow her child to come to harm. No matter how many times said child asks to go to the bathroom.

(And if you got that joke, you may now award yourself 15 geek points.)

Like they always say, "If Mather ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy."

Bringing all of her concentration and communication skills to bear, Jean was finally able to place the apostrophe correctly.

So, hey, that's something.

One thing you can always count on: moms will always love their kid's artwork. Always.

Ok, so maybe this one could use a few more plastic butterflies.

And finally, while I appreciate a good multi-use cake pan as much as the next dessert addict, I'm not sure it sends the most appropriate message on Mom's special day to give her the finger:

The string is to remind you of your proctologist's appointment later this week.

'Cuz, hey, even #1 Moms have to go #2!

Thanks to wreckporters Jody G., Meg G., Adriel H., Suzanna P., Laura H., & Anony M., who think that last cake is a real nail-biter.

Mom Gets the Last Word

There are so many ways to tell your mom what she means to you.

And after yesterday, now we know all the wrong ones.

"Of all the moms out there, you are definitely one of them."


Oh, sorry, did you want a number sign?

Nooo problem.


Yep, whether it was a misspelling...

Lovly.


... a "buy-a-vowel" special...

"I think I'll spin again, Pat."


...or even a biologically inaccurate euphemism...

Hush, Dad. Today Mom gets all the credit.

...our bakeries really plumbed the depths of mother's day messes this year.

In fact, I have lots more where those came from. So brace yourselves, wreckies:

'Cuz Mothday Day is just getting started over here. Woot woot!

Thanks to Beth I., Jeanie P., Misty Y., Allison C., Mollie B., & Alyssa H. for finding Mom's very own Falker Satherhood.

Class Acts

Hey there, teachers! This week is for you! So, in honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, we'd like to say thanks to all teachers, past and present, the only way we know how:

With embarrassingly ironic school cakes.

It's the least we can do for you, teachers. After all, you've taught us so many invaluable lessons.

Like punctuation...

Read this out loud. You'll sound like "William," "Shatner."

...basic math...

I'm guessing the flux capacitor costs extra.

...and creative writing!

This is why you don't submit cake orders via Twitter.

Yes, teachers, if you hadn't taught us these basic skills, we might end up looking like total boobs!

And just think what would happen to our stick-figure drawing skills!

You're responsible for molding us from the very beginning...

Sure, just put those letters anywhere.

...all the way into adulthood, preparing us for the outside world!

I gradulate this wreckorator for making me water the keyboard. Through my nose.

So, teachers, we salute you - because even if I broke the safety scissors, slept through class, and skipped most of Senior year...

...I don't think I turned out so bad, after all.

Thanks to Aimee S., Anonymous 1 & 2, Cassandra B., Cassie P., Holly H., Jennifer C., and Sarah F. for these school house wrecks.

Say, have you thanked a teacher today?

Dear Go d, the Irony

Let's just hope s/he majored in Creative Writing.

Thanks to Cynthia for the cc!

A Cinderella Story

With all the royal wedding coverage out there, a lot of us girls have been spending this week imagining our own Princess Diaries moment.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but mine goes a little something... like this...

[harpsichord dream sequence music plays]

First, there's a whirlwind romance with the dashing stranger who looks like a cross between Nathan Fillion and Kiefer Sutherland during his Three Musketeers days.

(Awww yeeeeah.)

Next, we sink straight into the Fire Swamp.

No, no, just kidding.

Next we play BioShock together until 2AM.

Later, after dressing up as Venkman and Staypuft for Halloween (I'm Venkman, of course), and confessing our undying love for one another, there's a painfully romantic proposal:

Performed in an inflatable kiddie pool.

"Jen," my dashing prince would say, "Will you be my own Princess Peach?"

To which I would respond, "Are you kidding? Do Vulcans need the Pon Farr?
"(But we are going to Disney for the honeymoon, right?)"

And, BAM! I'm a princess! Next thing you know, I'm living in a castle...

"And over here is your TARDIS closet. As you can see, it is much, MUCH bigger on the inside."

...and wearing pretty princess crowns...

(Modeled after crabby Space Invaders, apparently.)

...and pretty princess dresses...

("Talk about your trunk space, check this action out!")

...and riding my Princess Vespa around...

(Ok, technically this would be a Princess Harley.)

...and...and...wait. You know what? Other than the castle and crown stuff, I've already got my fairy tale ending, complete with BioShock playing, Princess Bride quoting, brownie baking prince. (Love you, Sweetie.)

So I guess I'll just end here by wishing all of you:

I like the short and fluffy ones, myself.

Thanks to today's dream team Debbie B., Anony M., Lisa V., Lisa P., Julia B., Vanessa C., & Stephanie S., who, for the record, never even knew fairies *had* tails.

Happy Eappy!

You know how everyone's always saying that cakes need spell check?

Ok, NOW what's our excuse?

Many thanks to Amanda S., who knows an "ID:Ten-T"error when she sees one.

The Yolk's On Us

I'll be posting my Passover greetings this Monday, but in the meantime, allow me to wish the rest of you a truly heartfelt...

And I mean that.

All together now! Who are we?

W-R-E-C-K-I-E-S!

And what are we celebrating?

E-D-S-T-E-R!!

It's kind of like Easter, only for people named Ed who have an aversion to script.

Of course, to many people Easter is the celebration of Christ's resurrection.

To others, it's the celebration of strung-out bunnies in search of their next omelet.

Sometimes this can lead to Easter being accused of over commercialization, and focusing too little on its religious roots. However, when it comes to cake, at least, I think I can speak for us all when I say...

(Photo removed at the request of the baker. Please enjoy this lovely photo of Epcot.)*

Let's just stick to wrecking the bunnies.

After all, the lamb cake is often said to represent either the Passover lamb or Christ himself. So with that in mind, look at this cake:

[shiver]

Now tell me: which is creepier? That, or...

...this?

Ok, we'll call it a draw.

In fact, both of those were so creepy I nearly pooped a pumpkin! But then I realized that wouldn't be season-appropriate. So instead, I...

...excreted an egg.

Thanks to Megan C., Kelley N., Lisa B., Byron K., Erin E., Kristy B., & Darla D. for cracking us up. Hard-boiled humor like this always goes over easy.

*The picture we removed was of a cross cake which was a bit wonky, had random decorations and was "decorated" (squirted) with white icing. Really quite lovely especially if you're a fan of king cakes.

Window Pain

Bakers, in case it's been a while, this is your friendly reminder to go ahead and spruce up those window display cakes. After all, without them the customers might have to rely solely on your signage to evaluate your baking skills:

And nobody wants that.

("I'll take a Sahara and two small Mojaves, please.")

Now, your display cakes say a lot about your bakery. Ideally, you want these things to be positive, like "Look! Our cakes don't show the dirt at ALL!"

Or, "Yes, we CAN cut out small pieces of paper!"

Or even just "Divorce!" written in German:

Your displays also showcase the things that are most important to your bakery.

Like spelling:

And the fact that you never make the same mistake more than twice:

And finally, remember: when it comes to drawing in potential customers, you can never go wrong with a really good wizard cake:

Guaranteed to work like magic.

Thanks to Elizabeth R., Mary I., Erin Z., Kate, Catherine C., & C.M., who think that last window might have a few kinks to work out.

Gootchie Goos

Jen and I have been in D.C. this week to visit some friends, see the sights, and catch the plague like we do every time we leave the house. Of course, one of the best parts for me was getting to hang out with our friends' two kids, who are both as adorable as baby sloths yet have enough energy to power Detroit.

Now, we don't actually have children (unless you count the ones with claws and hairballs) but this trip has put me in a baby kind of mood. Granted, I'm as seedless as a bag of lettuce*, but indulge me, won't you?


*See also:
Sterile as a box of Band-Aids
Fruitless as a butcher shop
Pulp-free

Technically, it's also of girl.

I think that's spelled "Toby."

You're right: "3 Times" was just silly. Much better to cross out the "s" with that exclamation point.

Ok, nobody panic. We're just gonna need some hot towels, a flashlight, and a low voltage car battery. And no sudden movements.


Well, yee-haw! Good for you, son!


And finally,

Guess Who!!

Aaaaand the baby mood is gone.


I do, however, miss my cats.

Hey Kelly R., Merideth J., Kimberly G., Danielle R., Beverly S., Anony M., Susan G., & Sarah W., is there a doctor in the house?