Today, we're going to talk about carrots.
Or more specifically, carrot
cake. You see, for hundreds of thousands of years, bakers have been trying to hide the taste of carrots - which is most charitably described as "dirt-like"- by mixing it with truckloads of sugar and cream cheese icing. This makes even the most rancid of vegetables - aka,
carrots - slightly less disgusting and, of course, extremely healthy.
But how does a baker, who is bound by law to disclose that his cake actually contains putrid dirt veg, tell his customers without making them want to vomit?
Well, there's always lying:
"That's funny; why do these red velvet cupcakes taste like feet?"Or making it completely illegible:
"Hm. I feel like these orange arrows are trying to tell me something about my Canb cake. But what could it be?!?"
Or the baker can mangle the shape of the aforementioned foul devil vegetable to confuse people:
"I'm detecting notes of chocolate icing and...is that...? Yes...I think it is! Fetid bunny swill. Huh."Some have tried tweaking the color to
muppet blue:
This way instead of imagining carrots - the ingrown hairs of the earth - in your cake, you can imagine synthetic fur - which is of course a vast improvement.
In the end, though, it's always best to just be honest:
Cak Rot?
Sounds about right to me.Note: Before the carrot cake coalition comes after me, I should mention that I actually
love carrot cake.
Carrots, however, are evil like the
froo-its of the
de-
vill. Which just goes to show: if you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty,
vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy.
Special thanks to peachesrevenge, Simon L., Nora B., Lacey J., Natasha T., and my Mac Thesaurus, which never lets me down.
Hm. Well, it says, "Princess," and there's a scepter and a tiara on it.
Uh...
"Uterus on LSD."
"Uterus with sprinkles"
"This is getting ridiculous."
The magic baby bag.
