So is this the part where I'm supposed to struggle and keep smiling?

Totally :O

At age 89, she left us.
And I'm happy for her, relieved as well.
It's been a tortured for us, and mostly for her.

But why do I still feel so bottled up?
I just want to wail and cry or talk to someone.



About things I act like I couldn't care less about,
when the truth its driving me crazy inside.

I have no idea whether it is true,
but I've heard from somewhere that if the first tear is from your left eye means its tears of pain,
where else from right eye, means tears of happiness.

On Saturday 16/4/2011,
At four in the afternoon my grandma left us to join her husband,
a grandpa I've never get to meet,
[he died of a heart attack while he's driving during red light]
That was twenty years ago.

So, packing last minute was frustrating,
it was so hard to find shirts or shorts that are in respectable colors for a funeral.
I've never realized till then,
most of my clothing have glitters or sparkles in them.

Some adults are unbelievable,
take my boss for an example.
Unfortunately, so are some of my relatives.

Honestly,
I've never felt so disappointed.
When I was a kid,
I've always look up to adults, thinking how amazing and kind they are.
As a kid, I've taught myself not to hate anyone,
or even dislike the uncle who is rather weird and odd.


But as I grow up,
I find it harder and harder to stay put as the girl who never dislike anyone.
Soon, I failed.
Very badly.

You have no idea how much I've been wanting to do that,
and get the pleasure out of it.

Oh don't be scared,
I'm pretty sure part of me is still the nice, innocent kid.
Just another part of me is getting clearer and clearer.
The part where I stand my ground and mainly be mean to whoever who tried to take advantage of me.
And many other reasons.


I feel sorry for my grandma as well,
she doesn't deserve all these people making stupid decisions for her.
She deserve more people who are respectful like my dad.

Super love this picture.

If you've watch How I Met Your Mother,
at one point Robin was unemployed, single, and no proper place to lived.
Well, I feel like her right now.
I quit my job last Friday.
And my boss didn't take it very well,
heh heh heh.
Like I care.
.
..
....
I'm missing my staff and the kids though.
More about it next time.

If you give me the chance to escape to this paradise,
I would, oh I would.

I'm getting bored of the real world.
I need to find things to keep me entertain other than internet and blogs.
Mainly, social life is going dooooown.
Becoming more and more anti-social lately :O

I want to be there.

Looking back when I was form one to form three.
Damn I was so vain when it comes to taking pictures -.-'
I'll be transporting pictures from Friendster to Facebook.
[cringes]
Look, I was really into editing pictures and adding words in the photos kay?
So don't give me a hard time when its on facebook :(

And yes thank goodness I'm not like that anymore.
I've promised self to stop trying to be pretty or gorgeous.
I will just be who I am, and I'll just accept my looks.
And also the fact that no matter how hard I try,
I just can't stop being who I am.




P.S Apparently, I got third batch for NS. Does that really mean I'm one of those problematic students? :D

P.P.S I find it weird to not to have any special feelings for anyone for such a long time. Its always been a crush or in a relationship since 12. But now? Nope. Nothing.


XOXO
Suezie aka Darkling Lovecraft